I am not my hair...or AM I???

We've all heard the song before and at least every woman has sung this tune at one point in their life. I even proclaim this phrase every now and then. However, when I sit back and think, I wonder...maybe I AM my hair more than I would like to believe. Very often than not, my hair dictates my mood, I don't know why but it does. 


For some reason, many women choose to drastically change their hair after a major life event. Break up/divorce among the most common, new career move, new family addition, etc. Why? In my opinion, our hair is the easiest, quickest and most accessible change we can make to transform ourselves into a "new person" after the particular major life event. We have total control over it and no one can tell us "No" because it is all OURS. We don't have to consult our husband, ask our boss, or wonder what effect it will have on our children...everything about our hair is  in OUR control. Recently, after my move to DC, I got a new hair cut and left the salon feeling like a brand new woman! I was starting a new chapter in my life with my new job and living in a new city so the new cut of course made the chapter complete. So, I took it upon my self to take a poll (via Twitter of course) and posed a question to my female followers:


"Why do you think black women, or women in general, are so emotionally attached to their hair?"


Responses: 


"Our hair can do so many things but it's frustrating when we have to do so much to make it look great...I guess we or I don't feel sexy and pretty when it doesn't look how we want." 


"We are obsessed with our hair because it is an extension of who we are...it's so crucial to our identity." 


"When my hair isn't down and "popped" I don't feel as pretty and my mood, flirtatious nature, clothing choices, etc. changes."


Within all of these responses I couldn't help but notice how this one little fraction of our body we call hair can take control over our entire being, defining mood and altering personal confidence. And yes, I too am a victim of this! So where did this begin? Some would argue it is due to popular culture of what's beautiful and socially acceptable, but I'm not going to go that deep. I just believe women like to look and feel their best at all time. And why shouldn't we? 



So is it a crime if I AM my hair??? I say no! Hair doesn't define the woman but allows her to express her creativity, which in return reflects who she is. Therefore; to some extent we are all our hair but it doesn't define our entire existence. So yes, I am my hair AND I am so many other things as well. Hair is just a morsel of my personality. For several black women hair is nothing but an accessory, we change it often to match our clothes, professions, etc. Now of course I'm not oblivious to the typical stereotypes of African-American hair by other races and sadly enough even our own, but let's try to enjoy our beautiful tresses along with the many styles we are able to do experience and not focus on what others think of our Crown & Glory. 



Going forward I would like to sing.... "I am my hair and I am also strong and I am smart, successful, funny, etc." **Insert India Arie Voice here**


For your viewing pleasure...

Good friends, AND Stylists, are hard to come by

A few days ago I had a going away dinner in Chicago with my friends. We went to a great Mexican restaurant ate very well, had a couple of drinks and a few tears for dessert.  Afterwards I left feeling very blessed and loved so I started thinking about friendships. I looked up the word friend in the dictionary and here is what I found:

1.   1. Friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

2.     2.  Friend: a person who acts as a supporter of a cause, organization, or country by giving financial help or other help.

After reading the 2 definitions above I can honestly apply those definitions to all my girls. Good friends are hard to come by. Period.  Not everyone has your best interest at heart and it takes a long time to figure that out in some cases. Therefore; I believe it’s very rare for a group of 10 girls to genuinely like each other and not have drama between the bunch.   

After further assessment of this topic I started to think…good stylists, like friends, are hard to come by too! In my opinion a stylist should not only be your professional consult but your friend as well.  The same care and love I receive from my friends, I need to receive from my stylist when she’s handling my Crown & Glory.

Have I lost you yet? Ok, I’ll break it down…

Per definition #1, a friend is a person with whom one has a bond or mutual affection.  I need to have a bond with my stylist as well. If a stylist or friend rubs me he wrong way or I’m not feeling their energy then the relationship is not going to work.  If I think you are genuinely a nice person, and I see your positive interactions with others, then we can make something happen. There’s nothing worse than a negative stylist with a snappy attitude just waiting to take their anger and frustration out your hair. Thanks but no thanks, I’ll pass!

Per definition #2, a friend is a person who acts as supporter.  Whether it is from a friend, boyfriend, parent, sister or stylist who doesn’t need support?  If I decide to chop my hair off or grow my relaxer out, I need for my stylist to support my decision. Support just doesn’t mean you agree with me. You are there for me throughout the process ensuring my hair stays healthy and giving me tips along the way.  Some stylists will do whatever to get your dollar. Afterwards, you leave the salon feeling cheated. A friend and supportive stylist will consult you along the way of your different hairstyles, telling you what works and what doesn’t work.  A supportive stylist will console you when you make the “big chop” and decide to go natural.  And afterwards not only do you feel great about the choices you’ve made but, the stylist feels great too because she knows she’s helped you! Friends, just like stylists, make you feel good about yourself, even when you are self-conscious.

At the end of my going away dinner, each friend went around the table to say what they would miss about me and I recipricated when it was my turn. There's no doubt that I will miss all my great friends in Chicago, but I will also miss another friend that wasn’t at the going away dinner - my stylist, Nikkole Willis owner of Bhava Hair Studio.

  My love for Chicago will forever run deep....

Today was a good day...

So for some reason, in the past two days I've been in a very good mood. Maybe it's because I'm about to close one chapter of my life and start another. Maybe it's because Chicago finally has some decent Spring weather...finally! I'm not sure and I can't quite put my finger on it but I know for sure, when my hair looks good, I feel good!

And today was one of those days. Yes, I said it. I (as well as my hair) looked good today.

And what woman doesn't feel good when her Crown & Glory is looking nice, honestly? Have you ever been trying to get ready to go out with your girls and you spend 30 minutes trying on 3o different outfits but nothing seems to work? Then you notice your hair is still wrapped or pin-curled so you can't get a complete "feel" for the whole look so you try it again after your hair is finished. Well maybe it's just me, but I feel MUCH better when my hair is popped! (That means it looks really nice for you slow people).

Call it vain, arrogance or confidence but for me, my hair is a direct reflection of my personality and I think it is the most important first impression one can have on people - even more than clothes. Now some would disagree with me on this. People take a lot of pride in their clothes, which is a great thing. I'm not knocking you if you do! However, I believe keeping your hair healthy and well groomed is a direct reflection of your personal hygiene, which in my opinion is way more important than clothing.

So yeah, today was a good day. The sun was out (80 degrees in Chicago), my shades were on and my perfectly feathered light brown hair, parted down the middle was flowing in the wind!!! What's better than that?

There's nothing better...

When it comes to hair, together my friends and I have probably covered every style imaginable. 1 friend has chemically relaxed hair, 3 are natural, 2 are in transition to going natural and currently in the "growing out" phase, 2 has extensions, 2 currently went a-la Amber Rose, and between all of that at least one person has the latest Rhianna cut!

Thinking of this took me back to a conversation I had with a white co-worker a couple months ago. This day, I wore my hair naturally curly, which is something I don't do often at work. She was amazed that just yesterday my hair was flowing and straight and today it was a totally different texture and style completely. She then continued to speak about how she wished her hair could transform so she could wear different styles - her hair is simply straight and limp and can not hold a decent curl to save her life. Amazingly another co-worker joined the conversation and mentioned she has the same problem.

This simple conversation and comparison of hair reconfirmed and strengthened my pride of my Crown & Glory. Although we have our ups and downs and I hate my hair from time to time...I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Side Part Under...No more!

I'm not sure how many other The Game fanatics are out there but if you are, clearly you might know what this blog post is about. In season 3 of the very much missed show The Game, abruptly cancelled by the CW network, Melanie is discussing her turbulent love life with a patient of hers. The patient, an elder woman, mentions how Melanie is a "Side Part Under", which is a very simple hairstyle parted on the side and neatly tucked behind the ears. It doesn't stand out and overall no one will ever challenge this hairstyle because it is safe. Now although this is a analogy to Melanie's current dramatic love life, I started to think...in a certain way this pretty much sums up my hair history.

For as long as I can remember, I've been wearing the same hairstyle since I bought my first Golden Hot flat iron in the 8th grade. (Yes I said Golden Hot...lol) One would think because I am such a hair guru, trying the latest products and what not, I would certainly have a different hairstyle every other month. But no, I am stuck on my nice wrap with my right-sided part usually to my shoulder in length. On occasions I wear it curly during the summer since I've started to grow out my relaxer. However; the most dramatic thing I've done is color my hair a shade of red, a lighter shade of brown, and get a sew-in for about 4 months. Overall very safe.

Now currently, a lot of why I do not change my hair often is due to Corporate America. Personally I prefer not to come to work one day with my nice shoulder-length bob and the next day looking like Beyonce with 18 inches of blonde extensions. But as I continue to grow and find myself in the journey we call life, I've decided I'm tired of being safe! No more "Side Part Under"! I'm now on a mission to find a cute new hairstyle that is very different and outside my comfort zone; however still acceptable for the workplace. I mean a girl's still gotta make money.

So until I find my new "do", I'll just admire the ladies who have no problem going out of their comfort zone while being fabulous doing so. And who else could I admire but number one hair diva.....Rhianna!

Although sometimes her hair styles are crazy (well at least to me), we all must admit Rhianna has paved the way for hair trends since 2007.